Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
We smell like vodka and hangover
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