In the future we'll all be gay
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
