It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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