What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
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