when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
