I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
