Have you finally orgasmed yet?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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