Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
