Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
there is puke in my bra ... again
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