my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
