you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize