Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
