Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
