I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
