did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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