I think my fart just growled at me.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
