I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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