Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
