I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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