chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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