Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I AM VODKA MAN
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
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