My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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