Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
