I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
