I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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