so that wasnt chicken after all
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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