you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Randomize