At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We are two peas in an std pod
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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