Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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