so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
