we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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