I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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