whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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