You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
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Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
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if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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