I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
