when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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