Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
