my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
