He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
