So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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