I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
