can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
