We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
