I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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