I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I got inside last night via doggy door
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
