My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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