It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
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so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
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Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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