I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
wow bdsm is so cute
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
