I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
