remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
