her vagine was all disorganized.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
