Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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