none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
