he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Never underestimate the power of titties
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