I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
