So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
