he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
