He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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