That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
