you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Your shirt... Was in my pants
How does it feel to date your dad?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
