I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?