My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months