Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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